Genealogy

Why do I search? Why do these names drive me nuts?
And I mean this literally!  Each person, each name, each date, it is like a million mosquitoes have gotten in under my shirt, and are biting the crap out of me!  They will not let me go.  Who are these people, what was their life like, why did they make the decisions they made.  Did they love their husbands? Did they love their wives?  Did they marry out of convenience?  Many of us romanticize the lives of our forefathers, why do we do this?  We imagine them coming from England, Austria, Germany, France, or where ever it is, getting on a ship, and them wondering about their own future.  They obviously realized they would never go back home.  Never to see their mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters again.  Why were they willing to give up a life they already had?
I wonder these things as I am searching names.  When I am searching for Hannah Estes, or Christopher Greene.  These are not just people in the past, they are part of who I am.  If it weren't for them, I would not be here today.
For example, Johann Andreas Stierhoff was born 1811 in Germany.  He grew up there, got married, and had a handful of children.  Then something happened to his wife (we assume she died) and in 1850 Johann (now John) came to the US with one of his sons.  Now, either there in Germany, or on the ship here, John met up with a young girl 20 years younger than he.  Her name was Anna Barbara Schemm, they married about a month after having gotten to the states.  He left all the rest of his children behind, that we know of.  None of them are mentioned in any census, we cannot locate them.  The one son that did come with him, George, died in Tennessee during battle, in the Civil War.  I am from John's second marriage.  His son John Martin married Clara Christine Germann.  Their daughter Clara Anna Marie married Frederick Ziemmer, and then their daughter Irene is my grandmother.
If it weren't for Johan's first wife dying, it is questionable he would have had reason to come to the states, and none of my family from there on would exist.  One thing in our lives changes our direction, and the future for everyone.
Do you remember the movie Back To The Future? The scene where he is trying to get his parents to meet for the first time, and he flubs it up, and his own mother falls for him?  We have all seen those tv shows, or read books where people go back in time, and one little thing is changed, and it changes everything.
Some days I wish I had the Tardis, would love to change one or two little things, but truly, if I changed one little thing....it changes the whole game.
We should be proud of who we are, proud of where we come from, and never ashamed of either our ancestors (after all, who doesn't have a few skeletons in the closet?), or of ourselves.  Decisions we have made, have caused us to become who we are, those mistakes and foilbles were there to teach us lessons, and our way of learning our way.  There is no rule book for life, we are on our own, and all of us are learning.
Do not be ashamed of the past, nor should we condemn family or friends for their decisions.  If it wasn't for those decisions, we may not be here.

Ancestor of the day:
Hannah Estes
daughter of Jonathan Estes and Susannah Monroe
born 12 Nov 1739 Uxbridge Mass
died 18 Sep 1790 Richmond, New Hampshire
married (?) to Jonathan Gaskill
son of Jonathan Gaskill and Alice Pickering
born 22 May 1739 Mendon Mass
died 18 Sep 1790 Richmond, New Hampshire

Okay, I just realized they died the same day.  Was there an illness? a fire? What happened to this poor couple?
I have read they had 9 children, but at the moment, I know of three

Sarah b 1762
Silas b 1773
Lovisa who married Nathaniel Aldrich Bowen Sr.

now THIS info, contradicts what I have above, but that just means I have more searching and research to do
Estes, Hannah (1739 - ) - female
b. 12 NOV 1739 in Cumberland RI
father: Estes, Richard(1705 - )
mother: Gaskill, Sarah(~1708 - )
spouse: Gaskill, Jonothan (1739 - )
----------child: Gaskell, Samuel (1763 - )
----------child: Gaskell, Tamar (1765 - )
----------child: Gaskell, Varney (1767 - )
----------child: Gaskell, Hannah (1769 - )
----------child: Gaskell, Olive (1771 - )
----------child: Gaskell, Lovice (1775 - )
----------child: Gaskell, Ebenezer (1777 - )
----------child: Gaskell, Patience (1781 - )
spouse: Gaskill, Jonathan Jr (1739 - )
- m. 1762 in monthly meeting possible at Salem
----------child: Gaskill, Samuel (1763 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Tamar (1765 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Verney (1767 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Olive (1771 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Silas (1773 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Ebenezer (1777 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Patience (1781 - )
----------child: Canedy, Wealthy A. (1802 - 1860)

Gaskill, Jonathan Jr (1739 - ) - male
b. 22 MAY 1739 in Uxbridge, MA
father: Gaskill, Jonathan(~1705 - )
mother: Pickering, Alice(1703 - )
spouse: Estes, Hannah (1739 - )
- m. 1762 in monthly meeting possible at Salem
----------child: Gaskill, Samuel (1763 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Tamar (1765 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Verney (1767 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Olive (1771 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Silas (1773 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Ebenezer (1777 - )
----------child: Gaskill, Patience (1781 - )
----------child: Canedy, Wealthy A. (1802 - 1860)

Okay, I am done, thats it, nope no, cant do it!  A few years ago I was married, and my husbands best friend was a man named Dennis Estes.  I did a wee bit of his genealogy, and I cant really remember much of it, since all those papers and all are gone now.  But I remember certain names.  Estes, of course, Bucholz, Casagrande, are the ones I remember the best.  Well, I just found out that my Hannah Estes IS part of the Bucholz family.  Ta-Da, Dennis and I are long distant cousins.......don't it figure! lol