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Friday, September 21, 2012

Revenge

Francis Bacon:
This is certain, that a man that studieth revenge, keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal, and do well.

Henry David Thoreau:
Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves.

I am sure many people would not see what these two sayings have in common with eachother, but honestly think about it, if we do not grow as a person, and become better, we are lost to hatred, ignorance, fear, and revenge.

I could be a bitter person, my life has been hard, I admit not as hard as others.  But that is all in perspective too.  I mean, is a child who has down syndrome, or born with no limbs, better off than a person at 15 who is in a car accident who has now lost their leg?  Yes and no, it is all perspection.
Do we allow what has happened to us in the past, control our future?  Do we allow it to drag us down and beat us over and over again?

Yesterday my daughter wrote this blog Unstoppable By Nick Vujicic, she tells how he was taught that life doesn't stop because you do not have any hands or legs, you just jump in "ahem" feet first, and go from there.

Has someone wronged you? has someone hurt you? do you allow that pain and fear and hatred to control you? do you still have nightmares, and relive it over and over again?

People say that bullying in schools has gotten worse and worse, to a degree I agree.  But, I was bullied in school myself.  And my home life was not great either.  I would be at home, minding my own business, and my father would pinch my butt, make comments, or do things that I consider *bordering* on abuse.  So here I go to school, the kids are pinching me, pushing me, calling me names.  I never felt comfortable anywhere, but one place, within books.  I remember often crying, and wishing I had the taste for beer, or the guts to get high, because I certainly would have tried it, just to at least forget for awhile.  I even contemplated cutting myself, but that too, I was scared of.  When I got married, and my husband (of course) had the expectations of having a huge happy family.  Because of health problems, I could not give him children, and at first he was understanding of this, but I also fell into a deep depression with it, and was dealing with being bipolar.  So one day, on a really bad day, I was in tears, and I said to him "I can understand why people, especially women who have PCOS (which I have) and health problems like it, would commit suicide."  He of course took it to the next level, called my friends, telling them to keep an eye on me, etc, because I was threatening suicide.  No, I was not, I was saying I understand where the idea comes from. 
When you are so far down deep in pain, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional, sometimes looking up, you only see that you are now under the privy, and you can't see they glory, and sunshine through it! 

Do I hate what my father and the kids did to me? Do I hate what this illness has done to me? Yes, but I can't allow that hate to control me.  I hate the deed, not the people.  They made mistakes, they made wrong choices, but I cannot condemn them for that.  We all grow and change, am I willing to grow enough to get past the pain?
We all have our demons, but do we use them, or control them?

























1 comment:

  1. Good post Stacie. While I do not have your diseases, I too was bullied and have had rough times to go through. I also understand where people go when they visit that dark place. I too have thought (when I was young) "what if" but was either too chicken or realized that it was a bigger hassle than it was worth. Either way, today is today. I will hang in there as best I can and see what tomorrow brings. I hope you do too. :)

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