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Saturday, December 24, 2011

Becoming an Adult

When did you first realize that you were an adult?  Was it when you graduated high school? First year of college? Got your first job? When you got married, had children? Bought your first house?
For me it has been a number of little things in my life where I look up and think, wow, Im an adult now, even at 38, I still kind of introspect and think, "wow, I am an adult, I have this responsibility, this to do, etc, I have made it."

But have we honestly MADE IT?  Is there that one shining moment where AHA! thats it, we are now an adult? or is it all the little things that add up to help us feel more capable, more responsible, more trustworthy?
As I am sure many of you know, I am a live in aide for an older woman that I consider a second mom.  She was there for me in my teens, and well, our families were really close.  I consider her six sons and four daughters my brothers and sisters.  I consider her grandkids (all 45 of them!) my nieces and nephews.  So for being an only child, this is honestly a great thing for me.
This past week and half, from December 14th to December 23rd, I was in California with Jo and her grandkids while her son and daughter in law went to Hawaii.  I was responsible for not only Jo, but also her six grandchildren.  This, me, I was responsible for making sure the kids got to school, were fed, diapers changed, whatever needed done, got done.

A life-long blessing for children is to fill them with warm memories of times together. Happy memories become treasures in the heart to pull out on the tough days of adulthood.
Charlotte Davis Kasl

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I was the one who was relied on, who  had to be there as mother, father, caregiver, diaper changer, disciplinarian, hugger, snuggler, and all around just be there.  And you know what? I thrived on it, enjoyed it, appreciated it, and will never forget that week.
When I was 21 and moved out on my own, aha! I was an adult, but the feeling wasn't truly there, then at 24, I took a small loan out to buy a new refridgerator.  So here was a bill besides the basics, that I had to take care of, then when I was 26 I moved to St Louis, from my small town of Mexico, Mo.  Then at 27 I bought my first car, then at 28 I got married.
I was an adult this entire time, I had the responsibilities, the life, the work, etc, but to me it was just life, I would look up, and think "yep, I am an adult now, I have a loan out, I have a car, I have a job, I have my own place, I have gotten married."  But I have always felt like I was "playing house".  In the past 20 years of my life, I have grown so much, not just in girth, heh, but in maturity, thought and deed.  I have done so much in my life, I honestly could probably write a book.  But the blog is it.
Between 26-28 I worked at a nursing home with a girl about 10-12 years older than me.  We worked nights, and so most nights we sat there talking, arguing, and contemplating life.  She gave me so much advice and so much help, that to be honest, only within the past 3 years have I honestly looked back and realized how right she was about life.  I would love to find her and say THANK YOU.  So if anyone knows a woman by the name of Precious Coleman that lives around the St Louis area, would you tell her that I say THANK YOU!!
So have I always been an adult? Yes, but do I still feel like one, nope.  Do we ever have that epiphany where its that big bang "wow, this is who I am now!" or does it come on more gradually? I believe it is gradual, because even tho I am still me, I am not the same person I was in my late teens, early twenties, late twenties, or even my early 30's.  I have grown, matured, my thought processes have changed, my hobbies have changed, my thoughts have changed, who I am is a more refined and educated, and polished person now.  And I am sure as I get older, I will become even more so. I appreciate life more now, I understand that we are in it together, and we have a choice, we can either go out with having a GREAT life, where it was happy, joyous, and filled with family and friends, or we can go out alone.  I choose to go out with a bang, being happy, being happy with who I am, where I am, and what I have done.  I have made alot of mistakes in my life, but that doesn't mean I need to sit in a corner and regret them, I use them, learn from them, and grow.
Me, after the divorce and starting new life and new haircut!

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